Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
