Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
