i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
