now i know why i became what i already was.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
