I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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