His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
