I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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