look no pants
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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