I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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