Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
