good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
