my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
