Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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