The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
