i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
