we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
