he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
