That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He better not be in your backpack
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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