she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
