Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
