what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
