I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
