no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
