I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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