I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
