You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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