My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
