hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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