Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
