Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
