eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
