You made me cry and you don't even care
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
