I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
