The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
