Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
