i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Houston, we have a blender
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
