erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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