what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
