1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
People in love make me want to vomit
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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