I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
