I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
