Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
