I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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