I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
