"it" just moved
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
