i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
