mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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