Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
