did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
