what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the liver wants what the liver wants
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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